Making friends in adulthood is difficult. You’re no longer attending class with the same set of people for months at a time. If you’re like me, you’ve refrained from making friends in the workplace because you don’t want to mix the two worlds. While I was pregnant with my son, I started looking into mom groups. After I had my son, I felt isolated. The majority of my friends I made before I had my son worked outside the home. I didn’t have family nearby at all. It got lonely. I joined a few mom groups through the internet. For the most part, everyone seemed to talk about the same topics at the meet ups.
After a while, I got tired of hearing about parenting, about life as a mom. No one would delve into other topics like musics, sports, or movies. It got to be the same ol’ thing, no matter what mom group I joined. It seemed like the only thing that united us was the fact that we had a child around the same time. That was the only common thread. Everything seemed so superficial.
Of course you want to stick to the safe topics when you first meet someone, but after a few months, that’s all they would talk about. I aired my frustrations to a friend of mine. She gave me some advice that has stuck with me all these years. She told me that being a mom is a fact, not an interest. She encouraged me to join groups that shared the same interests I did.
I took her advice to heart. I looked to the internet again, but this time, I made an effort to look for groups that shared my interests, versus mom groups. These are the groups that I started making friends in. Finally, I was able to talk about things other than motherhood. I learned how to play new board games in my gaming group. I found other women who ran as slow as I did in a running group. I found concert buddies in a music group.
I’m very grateful for my friend’s advice. I’ve made some very good friends by finding other things in common than being a mom!